mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
