He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
