shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
