i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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