Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
