that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
