We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
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