i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
