somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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