every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
