I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
