have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
