do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
