I think my fart just growled at me.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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