i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
This toilet bowl is my home.
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