no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
