Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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