Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
