i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
