There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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