I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
