People in love make me want to vomit
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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