idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
