I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
how does that bad decision feel?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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