The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I love you. Go after that dick
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Come on in and take your pants off
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
