I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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