I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
