this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
