I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
