when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
