yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
