my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
