As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
