She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
