Kiss
Puke
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
