Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So many bounce houses so little time
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
