I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
