we're chasing vodka with high fives
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
