This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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