I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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