shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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