Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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