I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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