the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
