I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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