I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
