Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
