you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
