Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
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