I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
